When a Client Dies: The Quiet Grief of Therapists

Last week, I lost a client.

Even as I type those words, I feel the ache of not being able to say good-bye. I feel pain for their family. In this work, we often speak of holding space for others, of walking alongside people in their most vulnerable moments. But what we rarely speak about; what we’re often never trained for is what happens when one of our clients dies.

The Quiet, Valid Grief of a Therapist

As therapists, we witness so much. We champion healing, hold secrets, and honor stories. When a client dies, the grief is real, even if it isn’t always seen or understood by others. I once heard of a former client being murdered, and I was heartbroken, shocked and didn’t know what to do with my own emotions. Like the client I lost last week, I had been holding so much hope for this individual and I had emotions I didn’t know what to do with. The disappointment of hope unrealized was heavy. You see, we’re not family. We’re not friends. But we are something. And when they’re gone, we feel it.

There’s No Roadmap for This

No memorial names our relationship. No space is carved out for our grief. Often, we’re expected to keep going, hold the next session and show up with steady hands and unwavering professionalism, but internally, we may be shaken. Quietly heartbroken and wondering what we do with this grief. Sometimes, we question:

• Did I miss something?

• Could I have done more?

• Is it okay to feel this much?

The answer? Yes. You’re human. Your grief is valid.

What Helps

Here are some gentle practices that might support you if you’re grieving a client or someone you care about.

• Light a candle and name them out loud.

• Write a letter (just for you).

• Plant a flower or tree or donate a flower or tree.

• Talk to a trusted colleague or therapist.

• Make space to feel without judgment.

• Give yourself permission to grieve.

You Deserve Support, Too

If you’re a therapist who has experienced loss of a client or otherwise, know that you’re not alone. you offer so much to others. Let someone hold space for you too.

I specialize in supporting therapists, HSP’s, and healers. If you’d like a safe place to process, I’m here.

Check out my website and connect for a free consultation.

We care about you here at Heart of Grace.

Your Place For Compassionate Healing.